Emmie Lancaster

I entitled my first Urbana 12 blog post The Moment. This is a new chapter in that story:

Sometimes, life can be really difficult. The pursuit of Jesus isn’t always filled with thousands of fish or beautiful mountain top experiences or calm seas. Sometimes it filled with moonless nights, with nothing but the sound of our tears hitting the dusty ground to remind us that we still exist. And sometimes we come running to the throne shouting in joy at the victory in our lives, and other times, we come crawling to the throne with scraped knees to whisper past dry, parched throats: “I failed.” 

I need to confess some things: I am so greedy. I am materialistic and self-absorbed, and I want to keep every last cent for myself. I make excuses not to give money or time or any of my resources to others each week, and I end up keeping most of it for myself. And yet, I promote my generosity before others and celebrate just ‘how far’ I have gone for the poor and the marginalized.

Can I just say God is so good? I remember the turmoil I was facing during Urbana 12, wrestling with why I even moved back into the dorms in the first place. All that came of it were several failed parties and many inconvenient fire drills. I became upset with God, because I could be in my really cute apartment living with my best friend by the river - but no! God had to bring me back here, where I felt old and out of place - and still nothing came of it. I decided to give up and get out of the Commons as soon as possible.

I realize I just posted yesterday, but I wanted to provide an update on how the Pasta Party went since many of you were praying for it. But first a quick history of the Georgia State University Commons: the Commons are one of the nicest dorm facilities in the state and the country - they are apartment style, featuring two or four single bedrooms with bathrooms, and then a shared common room in the middle.

The thing about The Crash is, we all know to expect it. We were told by numerous speakers and seminars leaders that it would happen - that there would be a moment when things look a little bit bleaker than when we rung in the New Year singing the praises of Jesus. We anticipated the moment when when fear, insecurity, laziness or busyness set in - maybe it came immediately, maybe it came gradually, or maybe some event triggered it, the only certainty was that it was bound to happen at some point. 

You know that moment when you drink a lot of coffee and the world just seems so much clearer and brighter and beautiful? You feel like you can conquer anything - like the very edges of the horizon are within your grasp…. and then two hours later, the only thing within your grasp is a soft, fluffy bed and an unending sleep. If you know this moment, then you have experience ‘the crash.’ 

I can remember the moment when it happened… I was on the sweet shores of Haiti and the smell of the sea was on the wind. It was Sunday morning and our best shoes were reserved for the occasion. We didn’t walk to the church, as it had crumbled apart during the earthquake. Rather, everyone around made their way to the center of the village where a large mango tree provided shade from the blazing sun. Timid and uncomfortable, I squeezed into one of the makeshift pews with dozens of other families. I didn’t catch a word of the sermon that day, nor did I know how to sing along to the songs.

Finally home from the long ride back. I have just woken up and eating something, but since the moment I dragged myself into my house I have been passed out on my parent's couch. I implored God on the bus ride back to seal up all the things He has been doing in me during Urbana 12 and to continue the journey in my life forwardly. I wanted to write this to say that I am going to spend the next few days and weeks to write about my journey in processing and making sense of what God is doing in my life now. And I want to remain accountable to the commitments I have made on this blog as well.

One thing that Urbana 12 really fosters is a sense of hope, expectation, and desire for Jesus to show up in our lives and our communities. It is clear that the Urbana team realizes this because they have created an environment where we are able to explore these dreams and engage with practical ways to apply them immediately. That is one thing that our Urbana commitments require -- immediate responses in our own lives, our own campuses, and our own cities.

Syndicate content