've been sexually involved with my boyfriend

Jane asked:

I've been sexually involved with my boyfriend,who is now my fiance, and I wanted to ask how "bad" this is. How do we keep a relationship that is holy in the eyes of God? Can this keep us from entering the gates of heaven if something happens to our lives between now and marriage?

Jack Answered:

Thank you, Jane, for your very frank question. The Scripture is quite clear that sexual relations before marriage is sin - even with one's fiance. Sin is bad, anyway you cut it. - It separates one from God. - It is bad for you and bad for your boyfriend. - It will not help you have a happy marriage. To keep a relationship that is holy in the eyes of God is to keep his commandments. Your last question is honest and practical, but makes me sad. Being a Christian is not just hoping to make heaven. Becoming a Christian means that you have responded to Jesus' invitation to follow Him, as did the first disciples. It also includes repentence, that is, confessing your sin, turning from it, and experiencing both forgiveness and spiritual rebirth. God will forgive the sin into which you and your boyfriend have fallen, but only if there is true repentence. The evidence of repentence is a change of behavior - from disobedience to obedience. Being obedient does not earn you salvation, but it illustrates and demonstrates that you are truly repentant. Once you have become sexually active, it obviously will be very difficult to step back into a relationship of chastity until you get married. However, obedience is what the Lord both wants for us and expects of us. We have very close friends who followed the pattern into which you have entered. They, too, fell in love and became sexually active. However, they then heard the Gospel and decided to follow Jesus. As a result they made the difficult decision of stopping their sexual relationship to wait until they got married. hey shared their struggle with spiritual mentors who prayed for them and walked with them in the difficult moments. God forgiave them, cleansed them, and helped them have a chaste relationship until they were married. They have enjoyed a mature and happy marriage for more than 25 years. I'm sure they would be willing to enter into a dialogue with you both about their experience. They have felt led to give public testimony concerning this chapter in their lives. Let me know and I'll get you in touch with each other. Debbie, you are facing a most important step in your Christian life and preparation for marriage. God is calling you to make a choice between the pattern of our current culture, and the new life that Jesus offers us. The cost will be great to you both, but the result will be well worth it, and the consequences are huge. I encourage you to reach out to Jesus, both of you, at this moment in your lives and experience His true forgiveness, cleansing, and salvation. Jack P.S. If I changed your name, would you allow me to publish your question and my answer?

Add new comment

This question is for testing whether or not you are a human visitor and to prevent automated spam submissions.


These blogs are the words of the writers and do not represent InterVarsity or Urbana. The same is true of any comments which may be posted about any blog entries. Submitted comments may or may not be posted within the blog, at the blogger's discretion.