There’s always that part when you’re about to take off on a plane where the flight attendant tells you the “worst case scenario” protocol. During this time you have the people in business suits sending that one last email and people who fly regularly who already have their headphones in. There are always those newlyweds who don’t realize that the world is continuing to go on around them as a mom tries to comfort her crying baby. People already nodding off. And then there’s me.
I’m listening intently to what the woman is saying; turning all the way around so I can double check I know where the exit is. I wear my emotions on my face so I look like I’m terrified and we haven’t even gotten to the runway. I move around in my seat inspecting the cushion to see if it really can be used as a flotation device. I start reminding God about how much He loves me.
I’m white knuckling the armrest in one hand and my possibly inflatable seat cushion with the other. At that point the plane starts to take off, I hold my breath until we hit our set altitude. Then I’m fine. I’ll look at the window and engage in conversation with the person next to me about how much I love to travel. I get up to stretch my legs and grab extra food from the flight attendant. Then there’s turbulence and I’m in square one again, questioning if this whole flying thing is really safe and if it’s actually going to bring me safety to my destination.
This alliteration is probably the closest to explaining my relationship with God over the last few months. I made the choice to trust Him with my life. I see people who are absolutely rocking it and trusting Jesus completely, they know He’s got them. That happens in my life when everything is going good I am praising God for all He has given me and I’m rejoicing in his power and glory. But when I hit a rough patch and things do not go as planned I start to question if God truly has a plan that’s going to work for me.
This is especially true when I think about how I’ve felt God call me to a ministry career in the last few months. I’ve wrestled with questions like if I’m prepared enough to love people enough to be Jesus’s hands on this earth or if I’m truly cut out to actively do a job that is all about serving Him. This has led me to keep doing safety check with God’s plan for my life. I trust Him but I’m continuing to look back at the exit sign just in case what He has planned for me to do isn’t successful by my standards. I’m checking for a way outside of God to save myself if everything goes wrong and play over every worst-case scenario in my head and have my own plan.
Trusting God’s plan for your life is scary because it’s unknown. And it’s entirely possible that I may not be successful and that God won’t give me exactly what I’ve always said I wanted. But the truth is that He will always give me what I need, because He knows me more intimately than anyone else in my life. My staff worker Meaghan recently reminded me that God is truly good and He proved that to us by giving us Jesus. Him granting my every desire or making my plan straightforward is not a test of if He is good; He’s shown me that already. How powerful it is that God has our best interest at heart and loves us so much He has willingly sacrificed His own son so that we could live in love with Him and rest in His glory.
An email I received just this week from Urbana said this: You are busy. But you have decided to go away with Jesus for five days in December. I feel so relived and blessed that I’m going to be able to be able to spend time with God and truly be able to discern His call for my life. I get to go away and spend time with the Creator of everything, which eases my mind because truly God knows the plan for my life and has directed me to this path. Are you ready to discern God’s plan for your life and make the time to truly trust in Him? I know that I am ready to dive even deeper in relationship with Him.